Celebrate the inner child

I advocate for silliness. I believe that every person has an inner child that is bursting with uninhibited joy, capable of laughter that is infectious and creativity that knows no bounds. I have a dear friend that exemplified this inner child. Whenever I hear her laugh, I picture baby angels laughing on animal cracker clouds, connected on bouncing sparkling rainbows, surrounded by unicorns.

Not many of us have had the gift of a trauma-free childhood and thinking back to our younger years may seem like a painful reminder of all we did not have. Yet try, for a minute to find a time when you were young, carefree and fully engaged in whatever world you were creating for yourself. I used to think if I played pretend hard enough, I would make my make-believe world my reality. I didn’t realize how smart a statement that really was.

Years go by and disappointments, embarrassing moments in my teens and early twenties, ego-centered behavior kicks in and I forget this. My world is no longer colorful and imaginative, but bland, banal and full of problems. Other people’s problems that make my life difficult. I was so obsessed with myself that I had lost myself. I was not the creator of my world, but rather a victim of it.

Inevitably, more years go by. Finding myself so concerned with what other people think, I really had lost myself. It wasn’t until I went to Burning Man and called out to the universe to show me something! It answered back in a flood of synchronicities that led me to meet the inner child.

My inner child was scared, lonely and insecure. Through journaling from her perspective, playing and showering her with love during meditation, and re-visiting those traumatic events in my life that made my inner child hide away for many years, she started to come out.

Pillow fight! This is why at 28 I hosted a backyard ultimate pillow fight. Creativity flourished and I discovered that I can make art. I remembered how instantly you can become a tiger and growl and play.

A process I’ve come to enjoy as a method for getting in touch with your inner child is a simple meditation. Sit in meditation and perhaps (as some have reported to find it helpful) have a moment of your childhood that you can easily recall and picture vividly in which you were playing, open hearted and free already determined.

Observe yourself playing. When ready, engage in the play with your inner child. What are you playing? Offer love and listen to anything your inner child says. Continue this for whatever time period seems comfortable; 20- 30 minutes should be adequate, but take more time if you need it. When you close, hug your inner child and let them know you are here for them if they ever need you. When parting, if you have dealt with fear of abandonment, you may want to focus on making your inner child feel safe as you leave. Record anything you uncover as you bring your awareness back into the room. As always, make sure you practice keeping safe energetic boundaries and set your intention before going into meditation.

The inner child connects us to joy. Joy is a high state of awareness that knows no judgement. As we focus on raising the consciousness of those around us, focus on areas of our life that bring us joy. Can we create more of them?

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Energy shield

If you’re like me, you pick up on other people’s feelings and energy very easily. Sometimes it’s difficult to not take these feelings or energy on as your own as you continue to be in the presence of a specific person or group. Maybe you are unfortunately a witness to a burst of anger from someone, a fight, or a traumatic event. How do you protect your energy field from absorbing something unwanted?

Throw up your shield. Place your fourth finger tip to the center of your palm on both hands. This strengthens your etheric web which filters out harmful, unwanted energies. This is a very simple, easy to remember action that will increase your ability to stay grounded and safe. Try it.

This is especially helpful if you work in customer service or anywhere where you have to work with individuals in public. I’m sure we’ve all encountered a person or two who comes directly at us and starts to throw unhealthy energy our way; the irrationally angry person who projects their emotions onto us for no apparent reason. Throwing up your shield will keep someone from being able to drain your energy and establish a safe, healthy boundary.

My mother lives in the ocean

I was 12 when my mom died of cancer. She was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer when I was 5 years old. She was 23, newly re-married and expecting what would have been my first little brother or sister. I remember her visiting me at my grandparents’ house where I lived most of the time with my dad, sitting me down on the bed and saying, “Mommy has cancer. Do you know what cancer is?”

I nodded and said, “But Mommy, people die when they get cancer.”

That’s all I remember.

My life became a series of unfortunate events. Now, I want to add to this by saying that this story is not meant to be a sad one. I believe my mother’s death was what I chose for my life when I entered into this physical plane. Her story is what has inspired me to help others and I hope in sharing this, it brings others some hope or inspiration as well.

My mother’s cancer spread quickly. She had to have an abortion, a hysterectomy, and a mastectomy all in one week. Now remember, she was 23.

I watched my once vibrant, healthy mother deteriorate. I have almost no memories of her healthy. Her original prognosis was 6 months and lived an additional 6 years. From this point on I was taken out of school almost on a monthly basis and rushed to whichever hospital she was at being prepared for her death. My childhood was spent waiting and being prepared for death at any moment. I became very familiar with Swedish hospital and spent many afternoons there finishing my schoolwork while my mother rest in her bed. Sometimes she could play and communicate, sometimes not so much.

I remember one day she asked me for a hug. As I bent towards the bed and tried to hug her frail frame, she burst out crying. “Why won’t you hug me?” She cried. I was afraid of breaking her.

My mother was a fierce fighter.

When she died, we scattered her ashes in the ocean at Cannon Beach, OR. It was ten years before I made it back for a visit. I took a road trip with a girlfriend and made a basket full of origami cranes to place in the water. We used to make origami together during the days when she was well enough to be home. When we scattered her ashes, we placed a crane in the water from each one of the attendees of her party. (My mom had a end of life party complete with a jukebox that played only KC and the Sunshine band and a ton of wine drinking dancing ladies).

Setting foot on the beach again was weird. I thought I would feel more than I did, but instead it felt just like any other time on the beach. No intense emotional rush, just a cloudy day in Oregon.

I walked for a bit and then decided I would just walk to the water and throw in my cranes. (I did make these all out of recycled bio-degradable paper). I walked out a few feet, about calf deep in water, turned around a bit, took a deep breath and said, “Hi mom.”

I saw my girlfriend across the beach running and waving her arms at me wildly. I couldn’t hear her, but as I took another look around me I realized that I was about to be swallowed up by a huge rogue wave! It came crashing down over my head and as I ran for shore, I tossed up my cranes and a few flowers I had picked and I realized tears were rolling down my cheeks and I was laughing. I started to jump and spin around laughing and crying, my entire body drenched with water.

That was the biggest hug I have ever gotten in my life!

My girlfriend and I spent the next few hours drinking wine, frolicking in the water and telling funny stories. It was beautiful.

I visited the Virgin Islands about two years ago and I realized that my mom is in every body of water. All the oceans are connected and as we stepped out on Cinnamon Beach at St. Johns, I was excited to frolic in the water and play with my mom. I splashed about and laughed and had a great time.

A girl about my age that was in our group saw me talking and laughing out in the water by myself. She turned to my partner and said, “well she’s certainly having a grand time out there all by herself.” That’s when he shared my story with her.

As it turned out, her mother had just passed. Her mother’s wish was to be cremated and scattered in the ocean. Her daughter was holding up the wish because she was saddened by the idea that there would be no grave or place for her to visit to see her once her ashes were spread. My story changed her mind and after her visit to the island was over, she was going to go back to her family and let them know they could proceed. A beautiful moment in synchronicity.

Today, because I can’t just hop out and visit the ocean anytime, I’m writing this to say hello again and remember.

Wake up your meridians!

In my study of energy work and vibrational medicine, I’m always looking for ways to help my friends or clients get a quick energetic pick me up on their own. The first little exercise I call the meridian morning wake-up. It’s an exercise that gets all of your meridians buzzing and you feel a great burst of bright energy in just minute or two; it’s a perfect addition to any morning routine. It also reminds me of warming up in drama class which has that nice nostalgic feel to it.

Here’s how you do it…

1.Ground yourself (stand with feet about shoulder width apart, bend your knees slightly, bounce here gently if it helps for a second and visualize those roots from your feet growing down into the earth, securing your place).

2. Reach up both arms high towards the sky, drawing down the energy from above and take a few deep breaths here.

3. Roll down so your arms and neck are dangling loosely and visualize drawing the energy up from the earth.

4. Pat pat pat! Start at your feet and give yourself rapid pats with both hands up one leg, down the other and work your way up the torso, around the back as much as you can, down each arm, your neck, shoulders, and head. Do this until you feel you have sufficiently patted all areas of your body. You can pat with as much pressure as you feel you need as long as it’s not uncomfortable.

5. Reach back up towards the sky and shake it out rolling yourself down as you go.

6. Stand in stillness and find your ground again.

Now who has a nice little buzz going on?

Doing this when you feel you are low energy will give you a little boost of energy and can even make you feel more confident. I also found that doing it before exercising has helped me sustain my energy and feel less muscle tension afterwards.

How do you feel?

The amber stone at Blackbeard’s Castle St. Thomas US Virgin Islands

The amber stone at Blackbeard's Castle St. Thomas US Virgin Islands

I feel connected again to this stone that i had the honor of meeting about two years ago in St. Thomas. As my partner and I placed our hands on this stone which has been at the castle for I believe 90 or so years, we were filled with warmth. Instantly tears came to our eyes as our energies danced with travelers before us. When the Seattle skies are at their greyest, I think of this stone and it brings the sun back.

Since this was a stone that would be touched by many after us, we stood there aligning our intentions to be of the highest nature. If you ever manage to visit the amber museum at blackbeard’s castle in St. Thomas and place your hands upon this stone, perhaps the love we sent in will spread to you as well.

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A journey began… a dream from the past

So last night I had another crazy dream. I did some breath work right before bed because I was nervous about today’s final. When I had finally grounded out my overactive energy, I went blissfully to sleep. The dream started with Cj and I taking a wander through this new city. It was beautiful. We wandered until we realized it was getting late and we needed to get home. We were looking forward to something, a good dinner maybe? We took this shortcut through an alley way and ran into some bums. We walked as fast as we could because they were eyeballing my purse. One shouted at us and reached out to grab my arm. CJ held my hand and took off running through the corridors of this now white building. As we ran, my feet lifted off the ground and I flew behind CJ. It was not as if I was really flying, but more symbolic of the fact that he was protecting and guiding me without me being of any burden. We escape and a familiar woman appears. She asks where we are going and I realize we are above the Earth and it is more of a question of “where do you want to go?”

I wake up- not really, but this is a dream inside a dream. The woman is by my bedside meditating. CJ is still asleep. She greets me with a kind smile and asks if I know who she is. I say no. She tells me she is my mother. I tell her I know that she is not my mother, she looks nothing like her. She smiles again and says that she is everyone’s mother. I know this to be true and she brushes my face with the back of her hand. As she does this, I can feel her soft hand against my face and also feel the sensation of my hand brushing her soft face even though my hand has not moved.

Suddenly I wake up- again, this is a new layer of a dream within a dream within a dream. I’m looking down at a baby in my arms. The baby is peaceful and I know that the baby is me. I also know that as I am looking down at myself through my mother’s eyes, I am also my mother. We float in this velvety, warm, soft fluid space being comforted and kept safe and I realize that I am inside my mother in the womb and I witness the birth of myself as the baby and the mother simultaneously. It is beautiful and the light that shines as I am born is blinding and frightening and painful but beautiful and exciting at the same time.

The bed shakes. I feel rumbling coming from the ground and I wake up. Again, this is the next layer of a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream. I think we’ve just had an earthquake and I wake CJ. He grumbles, “oh everyone is so freaking paranoid about earthquakes now. It was nothing. Go back to bed. Grrr…” A red light illuminates the bedroom from outside and we hear voices. It sounds like the military. I hear an elephant and when we look outside, we realize our house is in the middle of the jungle and there are people in traditional East Indian garb riding elephants through our backyard. The elephants acknowledge my presence. The are decorated in beautiful jewels and fabric. They are massive yet small at the same time. They nudge my house and I feel the shaking again. A group of young people are fighting their way through a river and harsh rain and the red light grows more intense. A voice says, “grab your weapon.” I look at CJ and we are both speechless. We must leave. My cell phone rings and it is a friend of mine- it is one voice yet many friends within the single voice. They need help and are crying. I must leave to help them immediately.

Now I wake up again. This is now a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream. I am walking down a hallway with CJ and we approach a large room with a starry night ceiling and dark blue walls. There is a cage in the corner and the woman who told me she was everyone’s mother is within it holding a baby. She calls us to her and opens the cage. She tells me she has yet to give us our fortunes and asks us to hold out our hands. We are excited and as she opens her bag, she pulls out two violet decorated merkabas. Words and symbols of light come rushing forth from the merkaba immediately upon placing it in my hand. Luminescent crystals fly through the air and surround me. Music plays. The information is coming too quickly and I shut my palms over it. She talks to me and tells me that these fortunes are important and has a large smile on her face. I hear voices in many languages, none of them English, giving me information at the same time. I open my palm again and see that the merkaba has opened and is now a vortex that pulls me into it. Although it pulls me in, I am also observing this from the outside. I am in space and this energy and light is outside of me.

And again I wake up to a red light again appearing in the window of my bedroom. I am more conscious now and am recalling the dreams that have occurred, thinking about how strange it is that I had so many dreams within dreams. I begin to get up and get ready for the day pondering the dreams.  A structure appears in the corner of the bedroom window accompanied by a wailing noise and a loud clash and as I go to look at it more closely, I can tell that it is something alien. A UFO. I move in closer and the window has disappeared and I am floating outside above the house growing closer towards it. It feels welcoming, but unfamiliar and I am a bit weary. I proceed out into space with caution.

I wake up again, this time for real. I realize that the previous sensation of waking up was the final dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream. My heart is racing and I feel tingly everywhere. I see shadows and light objects in the bedroom and CJ again is fast asleep next to me. What has just happened? I feel as if I have traveled far. Did I have adventures within each level of consciousness? What was the significance of the merkaba? The elephants? Mother? The aliens? The LA gangster bum people that tried to grab my purse?

I dream a lot. I remember a lot of them and they get deeper and deeper as I get older. New sensations arise as I develop new levels of awareness and new high sense perceptions. What is the significance of the multiple layers or dreams within dreams? This happens to me often. I feel changed today somehow. A deep peace resides within… blissful joy.

Butterfly Medicine

Butterflies are one of those creatures that only one with a heart of stone wouldn’t feel delight when a butterfly flutters past them. But aside from being a beautiful distraction on a sunny day, butterflies hold much more in their spirit than many of us realize. These winged creatures captivate our hearts as young children and inspire us to continue to change and evolve as adults, but they are also here to help us raise our personal frequencies.

Growing up, I have always had an affinity for butterflies. I saw them as inspiration during my awkward years that perhaps I too would one day find my wings and blossom into a beautiful butterfly. They start out as creepy crawly caterpillars only to hide away in a cocoon to finally emerge with stunning colors and fragile new wings to help them navigate and explore the higher realms once nearly unknown to them before.  

Each one of us goes through our cycle in this life in many stages. We may be still in the larvae stage; just learning to survive, eat and grow. We may be in the cocoon phase; developing our studies, our ideas, personal power and identity to eventually emerge out of the chrysalis with our highest potential and highest self to greet the world with our own unique colors and patterns. Our wings fully expanded, we begin to dance with new energy. And just as Butterfly does, once we emerge with our inner light and beauty, we share our talents with the rest of those we encounter; inspiring others through our own transformation, giving them hope and courage to carry on with their own journey.

This is the message I wish to pass on to my clients as they enter their healing journeys. We all enter many stages and from each one we leap with confidence into the next, trusting that our new wings will support us. A butterfly does not know how to fly or that its delicate wings can support its body, but it trusts enough to bound into the sky, and it does so with grace.

Butterflies are actually very intriguing insects as well. They have tiny ears on their wings that can detect variations in pitch in birdsong and nature. They taste with their feet to determine if a particular flower or plant is right for the laying of their eggs. They have eyes that consist of thousands of lenses that allow them to focus on a single point clearly and they see colors vividly. They are able to perceive ultraviolet wavelengths of light. Their super-being and heightened sense perceptions are akin to those that we develop as we raise our own vibration or personal frequency through personal growth as well as energy work. As our energy systems are restored to balance, we regain and reconnect to levels of perception and senses we forgot we had. In fact, Butterfly’s presence assists us in the transition to a higher frequency. Their beauty and grace raises the frequencies around them just by being beautiful. As we pause to witness the delicate dance Butterfly performs, we are clearly present, perhaps finding momentary peace. And, whether you recognize it in the moment or not, a smile usually graces your face. This is the medicine of Butterfly.

In time, when you too find your wings and brave the world with your dance, imagine a friend or family member who pauses to take you in for a moment. Perhaps they take a slow breath and bask in your transformation. They too will be at peace for a moment, feeling peaceful just being in your presence. Perhaps you will be the inspiration for them to begin their own healing journey. 

It is said that the flap of a butterfly’s wings create a wave that ripples through the entire universe. A tiny flutter of love and beauty is sent rapidly outwards. Our thoughts and intentions do exactly the same. Think of butterfly and visualize what you put out. Being mindful of our intentions is one of the most important aspect of connecting to our highest self. With butterfly’s medicine we can begin to create ripples around the globe to aid in creating a culture of higher consciousness; a world of inner peace, mindfulness and unconditional love.